What do I believe in?

What do I believe?


I have always had a problem of a duality to my mind. The rational and the supernatural and I have never been able to satisfy the duality within me. To illustrate the problem, I will express some of the deeply held peculiarities that create this dilemma that fractures my consciousness.

Generally, I consider myself a scientist, a rational person that rejects many superstitions and beliefs. I will say that in my younger days I was an avid believer in ghosts, spirits, UFOs and aliens. I’ve have dabbled in everything from Christianity to witchcraft and in between there includes some simplistic forms of Buddhism. I have rejected many of these as I have accepted based on logic the sciences and the demand of valid proof for extraordinary claims when it clear that there is much simpler logic in the sciences explanation of the world and how things came to be. I generally do not call myself an atheist because from my experiences of the atheist trolls on you-tube that they can be just as much a bunch of zealous idiots as the religious they are so anally resistant against. Thus, since I based what I believe in science and not on empty word games and dogmatic hate, I refuse to set my stake into the atheist camp. I therefore call myself a scientist. After all, I am a programmer with a background and love for physics and the sciences, and an avid reader of some really hard science that dive into matter, reality and the world we live in as far as science has been able to take us to the boundaries of what we theorize about the nature of reality.

The duality comes in when I admit that I have had experiences that do not fit into the nature of science. As I will relate. Some years ago, I entered my bedroom and was quite aware of the sound of chanting voices. I could perceive them as well as I hear an automobile passing outside. Of course, like anyone, I was scared out of my wits when this experience occurred. I made not hesitation to leave that room, head downstairs and put the television on and try to forget that I had experienced. Eventually returning to the room when I was drained do to the lack of sleep wherein I crashed into bed and slept. The peculiar aspects of this experience is as follows. I am not Native American, I am of East Indian by heritage, but the chanting at the time unknown to me, I eventually discovered to be a dialect of the Cherokee language that was being recited by these ghostly old voices. Why did I experience this occurrence? It has no logical connection with my life experience. I cannot logically explain nor can I replicate this experience. I do not think I suffer from any sort of schizophrenia that would give credence to this occurrence. I do not consider myself insane nor is this the only strange experience in my lifetime. Many of which, are generally counter to the established religious dogma that exist in the world today.

So where does all this leaves me? I have sometimes no idea. I adore and accept the foundations of science and reason. It explains everything I can observe in the world around me, from the subatomic to the galaxies and beyond. It makes sense, it is logical and can be proven true and it can explain everything that most people can conjecture or propose a challenge. Yet, hanging in the cobwebs of my consciousness are experiences I cannot logically explain or give meaning to. How do I reconcile these two opposing halves within. Do I accept one and reject the other or do I accept both and throw reason out of the window, something that I cannot do as it is a useful tool that explains the real world we live in. This leads me to again ask myself…. what is it do I believe in?