I hate being introverted and shy, and hate at the same time being an idealist, a dreamer, and someone who wants what seems unattainable dreams.
For those that do not know, I am communicative but only on the surface level, when it comes to more deep personal issues; I share none with no one. But this rears its ugly head, when it comes to romantic intentions. I can’t get the “frog” out of my throat when I have an interest in someone.
This is compounded with my idealism and dreams, my wants that are not realistic for what is available within my sphere of reality. I do not want to settle, but at the same time, I am burdened by my internal needs for companionship (and yes my carnal desires too); to settle or not to settle.
How do one balances the internal demands, and give up on that which one cannot achieve; when in the depths of your heart, you desperately do not wish to give up.
The cry of Real Life’s Send me an angel; echoes within my soul, on a turntable repeating the same track over and over. Longing to touch that angel and be touched. To close my eyes and be content with one of the most important empty places in my psyche being fulfilled with light that would chase the shadows of despair away.
I may be too much of a romantic dreamer. Chasing a dream, that is out of my reach.
Racism alive and well in T&T.
So I just got home and drove into my yard and was closing my gate, and this negro guy reversed to where I had just closed my gate and exclaimed: “You r U.N.C.”
For those that do not know U.N.C. is a political party that perceived as an Indian party, and some like to believe that the current party in government, the P.N.M. is a negro party.
I do not have any U.N.C. banners, colours or any U.N.C. symbolism, other than being of East Indian decent. In fact, I dislike the politics in Trinidad and Tobago for the basal, racial and socio-political divisions they manifest.
I never told the guy a word. I had on a native american/pagan t-shirt, my hair is purple, a black jeans, the only thing is that I am East Indian.
So in essence, as I am East Indian, he perceives me with political stereotyping based on the race politics that the ignorant masses follow blindly and know not how they are being manipulated by the parties involved. Again reinforcing my opinion of the mindlessness of the typical Trinbagoian who have the racism integrated into psychological and social behaviour that is fostered by this shit island sociological and political forces.
#Trinis_r_stupid #Racism_in_TnT #Racism #Politics
Rant Time Again
This time it the Red Cross, however I can only rant about the meeting I attended and will never attend another Red Cross meeting again. Not only, was I granted a cold, which I am now suffering from. My experience, left me with a taste that this organization is full of bullshit, crap and enough kissed butt cheeks that I am sure some of those butts are ruby red with lipstick.
I really do not know where to start, what peeves me more about my attendance at this meeting. For one, I am glad I am not a member, and from attending, I will NEVER join this crappy organization.
I guess, my school thought that this would provide something useful for school application. It was no such thing. This meeting was essentially a self-congratulatory “masturbation” event. An event to blow their own horn, how great they are and to award themselves with tokens of appreciation. A total waste of my time attending. I detest functions who purpose is so the organization can kiss its own ass. Some people might like attended these crap events, but I am a doer, and prompt and ass kissing is not my forte.
As a side note, I also suffered a diabetic episode from not eating on time, as the event did not break for “lunch” till about nearly 2:00pm, which weakens me enough that contributed possibly for me to get whatever cold I am now suffering from as well.
Another disgusting thing is the cult like group events. Such as having to form a huge circle, arms crossed across your body and holding the hand of the persons next to you. WHAT A TOTAL FUCKING PIECE OF NONSENSE SHIT IS THIS? It was uncomfortable, it was totally useless action that serves what no purpose. I dislike activities like this, as it only signifies the group wants to seem to be a “community” with a “commonality” but in reality is just full of BULLCRAP.
Is this really the way, the red cross does its internal stuff across the globe, or is this a bullshit only local to my country.
Are we all hedonistic?
Are we all hedonistic but constrained by the requirement of working and earning a living? Indeed, many of us would love to indulge in the pursuit of pleasure, good food, drink, sexual satisfaction and fascinations. But we are limited by lives we live in.
Indeed it seems only the privileged are privy to this life that the money can afford them, while we wait on the sidelines to provide either directly or indirectly the services that allow them to follow the whims of pleasure. One can therefore conclude that life is indeed unfair as it allows a disproportionate amount of pleasure to be levied in their direction and the pain in ours.
This injustice has been the focus addressed in many religious and political systems. Most of these systems however, try to eliminate the pleasure in favor of the universality of pain; ensuring equality in the drudgery of life.
Technology and the sciences have seeked to do the opposite of these systems, make life easier and provide more pleasure, but it comes at a cost and they still do not totally encompass ever aspect of pleasure we seek in our lives. The sad fact that what limits us from achieving the pleasure in every aspect of our lives is constrained in the economic reality of supply and demand. There is only so much pleasure in supply and the demand is high.
Therefore, the only way we will ever achieve life on our terms is the elimination of limited supply. Can we eliminate it? That is a bigger question, as a technologist I would say it is a possibility when the technological singularity occurs, when machines overtake us and create enough supply where money and other limiting factors become obsolete (Providing our technological children do not deem us a burden and eliminate us).
But will this freedom to indulge in our hedonistic lifestyles mean we loose the ability to direct and control our lives and freedoms. In Aldous Huxley, Brave New World, we have a hedonistic society that in its pursuit of pleasure, has abandoned individualism, love, and other aspects that has been generated because of rarity. What use are these when every other pleasure in your life is fulfilled? Is the sacrifice worth the pursuit, perhaps not. Maybe a compromise is needed, but as an observer of humanity, I see we may quicker fulfill this Brave New World.
In a curious case of life imitating art, I learned today of a connection between Frankenstein and Dracula. As we know Frankenstein was written by Mary Shelly, as it turns out, the characterization of Victor Frankenstein might have been based on a man named Conrad Dippel. Johann Conrad Dippel was born in Germany in Frankenstein’s Castle. He was involved with Alchemy, Science and was educated in Religion. He is infamous for some experiments he conducted with human bodies, at least so it been rumored. The interesting fact is that Frankenstein’s Castle was home to the Von Frankenstein family in Germany, as it turns out, one member of this family, migrated to Transylvania and was partly responsibly for the building of Bran Castle. Unfortunately, he ended up in a feud with the local prince at the time, namely, Prince Vlad Tepes (aka Vlad the Impaler aka Dracula), which lead to his death by impalement. So here we have real history, illustrating a connection with the name Frankenstein (and a member of that family) with Count Dracula. An amazing fact, knowing the connection in modern fiction between the fictitious characters in horror that are based on these two names and people; Frankenstein and Dracula.